Charlie Rose has Never Changed a Diaper

thyme growing on kitchen window ledge

Well, you didn’t think I would have a picture of that, did you?

I was drinking coffee, enjoying the leisurely wake-up of a day off, and watching CBS This Morning when I heard it.  Gayle King mentioned changing babies’ diapers and turned aside to ask Charlie Rose if he had ever changed a diaper.  He answered “no.”  I stopped drinking coffee.  I think I repeated it aloud.  I was astonished.   Charlie Rose is 71 years old and he has never changed a diaper?

I know he doesn’t have kids.  But how does a human being make it to 71 without this most basic act of care for another human being?  I suspect girls still babysit more than boys do, and so, get more practice in this skill before they ever might have children of their own.  I think King’s comment was meant, in part, to highlight the fact that women engage in this sort of domestic task more often than men, even in 2013.  But still.

I am not trying to disparage Rose himself.  I like him and have eagerly followed his work on multiple networks and shows.  But the fact of this simply astounds me.  I have not raised a child from infancy but I have changed diapers since I was in elementary school.  Visiting friends and family, babysitting, family reunions, giving a tired parent an extra hand.  I think of these as normal in-the-course-of-things moments when the possibility of changing a diaper can present itself.  I think of myself as one of the people who can help with this when needed.  I absolutely cannot imagine either never finding myself in this position or opting out of the line-up.

Let it be said, I have opted out.  I have on many occasions thought to myself I know they are tired but that is a particularly smelly one and I’m going to let his parents handle it.  But those have been momentary choices rather than a permanent status.

On CBS This Morning King joked that she and the third co-host, Norah O’Donnell, both mothers, had changed a lot of diapers:  “We don’t mind poop.”  There is a liberating matter-of-factness about dealing with someone else’s body so intimately.  Routinely changing diapers for another person can raise the bar on what you consider “gross” but it can also be a peculiar blessing.  I think this is the part that startles and saddens me when I consider Charlie Rose.  What is it like to be 71 and have lived that apart?

To be sure, I have no idea about the contours of Rose’s life and he is mostly serving as my muse today.  He could have had other experiences providing a similar connection.  I had the privilege of being with my grandfather as he died.  I also helped a friend as she gave birth to her daughter.  In addition to the diaper-changing, I have tended to others’ bodies in these intimate ways, caring for them when they needed things they could not do for themselves.  In both instances I knew I was on holy ground.  Maybe Rose has stood there, too.

My husband astutely reminds me that, besides the gender difference in cultural expectations for nurture and care, there is also the cultural fear of unrelated men caring for children in such intimate ways.  That is a fair point and one that certainly can explain the lack of opportunity for men to join in and lend a hand.  But it is sad.  For all the warranted suspicion and fear, this prevailing cultural stance also excludes and limits perfectly upstanding men from participating in some of the most important, human work in life.

So this morning’s revelation has me wondering.  We are accustomed to thinking about certain markers or milestones in life:  graduation, marriage, children, buying a home.  But what are the other markers?  What are the markers of connection and humanity that really matter?  Assisting at someone’s death or birth? Bathing and feeding a child?  Sitting with someone while they wait for treatment in the hospital?  Baking a cake for someone’s birthday?

I don’t know what goes on my list, except diaper-changing.  But I am thinking about it.  And I am giving thanks today for the real, tangible, necessary, messy, and beautiful ways I have been blessed with caring for other people.  What goes on your list?  When you are 71 (or 101), how will you know when you’ve lived a full life? 

Every Day

butterfly in arid landscape

The temptation is to think that this is how to fight back.  That what we do or don’t do right now is how we say who we are and what we will or won’t allow.  That it is all we say about that.  It’s a temptation because we don’t talk like this every day, on the ordinary, rainy, work-kind-of-sucked-today, what-will-I-make-for-dinner-now Monday.

The news from yesterday’s Boston Marathon is awful.  There is good reason to lace up your shoes and push yourself to go out for a run, or to start training for next year in Boston.  These are healthy, faithful responses to the violence and they ring out as a resounding, collective “No!”

But what will you do tomorrow or next month?  As you carry out your daily work or make your way through classes or care for your family or encounter opportunities to engage in your community?  How will your approach to these ordinary, everyday, non-national-news days reflect who you are and what you value?

Here’s another way to ask it:  What do you want to feed? 

What we feed is what lives.  How we feed ourselves is how we live…or die. 

A diet of media anxiety, zealous anger, and well-intentioned “fighting back” tastes good right now.  But it leaves you hungry later on.  What will you reach for then?  When the junk food of the frenzied aftermath is all gone, then what?

The New York Times recently ran an article describing the way families create narratives about where they have been and who they are – and how these choices affect the resiliency of children.  There are three basic ways to tell family stories:  ascending (we started out poor, worked hard, sent you to college), descending (we used to have it all and then we lost it all), and oscillating (we have had hard times and wonderful times, people in prison and others in the state capital, but through it all we are a family and we stick together).  Hollywood prefers ascending or descending narratives so we see a lot of those.  But the oscillating family narrative reminds me of the stories we Christians keep telling ourselves year after year.  We come from a family of fools and connivers and prophets and reluctant leaders.  We have been slaves, nomads, chosen, kings, outcasts, disciples, saved.

Reminding ourselves of our story helps to see that what happened yesterday is part of it.  The oscillating family narrative has hit another low point, at which we remind ourselves that we have been here before and we got up before.  We are at the point where we can see the hill ahead that might lead to the next high point, from where we might look back to today and remember how we started to get up even while we were still breathless and scared.  

One of the wonders of social media is the way we form community online.  It’s comforting to “be in this together” and in a very real way platforms like Facebook and Twitter have helped us come together over great distances and time zones and our usual affinity groups.  We are a national community and in that sense what happened yesterday happened to all of us.

But here’s the tough love:  Most of us were not directly affected.  Most of us were not physically hurt nor did we know someone who was.  So for those of us who are hurting and mad and scared and full of compassion but on the outskirts of the community, consider what you want to do next.

A few suggestions:

Shut up and leave the screens.  For half an hour or the entire evening – whatever it takes to stop formulating and evaluating opinions.  Enough already.  You know what happened and only time and the hard work of professionals will help us to learn more.  So spend time listening instead.  To the people in the room, to your heart, to God.

Go for a walk.  It helps to remember that the world is bigger and wider than this one thing and the only way to deal with it honestly is to see its proper size and your own proper size in relation to it.  The world still includes dogs and birds and cranky children in strollers while their parents try taking them for a walk.  There are cumulus clouds and blooming cherry trees.  Listen and look and remember that there is heartbreaking beauty, too.

Make dinner with some people and linger over it.   Raise a prayer and a glass for those who suffer.  Give thanks for the ways God has brought you out of great suffering and for the Spirit who inspires the work of the first responders and other helpers.  Give thanks for the way the earth uses sun and water and time to make what is on your plate.  Give thanks for the hands that know how to take raw materials like this and transform them into a feast. 

Buy a bottle of Prosecco for the next time you want to celebrate.  Because you will.  No matter what happened yesterday or 6 years ago today or five minutes ago, God will walk alongside you, every step up from this low, and bring you through pain and into joy again.  Love is always stronger than death. 

How we feed ourselves is how we starve…or survive and thrive.  What do you want to feed?  We can feed anger, fear, and powerlessness.  Or we can feed bravery, be brave enough to be vulnerable and open, ferociously faithful. 

Don’t be tempted to think otherwise:  we have this choice every day.    

The Road to “Yes”

Two weeks into the new job I knew I had made a mistake.  Sitting at my desk, trying to make it through the afternoon, trying to figure out how I would come up with a new plan, and the phone rang.  It was Alex Joyner, the campus minister for the Wesley Foundation at UVA.  I was an alumna and a Board member there and it was the middle of the afternoon.  This is all he said:  “I know you just started a new job, but – ”    I interrupted and said to him, “Whatever you are about to ask me, the answer is ‘yes.’”  It was the craziest and wisest thing I’d ever done.  united methodist churc_exploration_who called you

I had finished seminary 5 years before this and, like Jonah, I had gone traveling in the other direction for a while, hoping what I heard wasn’t God calling my name.  I ended up back in my college town, volunteering at the Wesley Foundation, wondering around the edges how I could finally figure out this vocation thing, but still not certain ordained ministry was my calling.

And then that phone call.  Alex had money for a part-time associate and he wanted me to do it.  I didn’t know that when he called or when I interrupted him.  My response was completely unexpected and made no sense, except that my whole being was finally ready to say “yes” and something in his voice sounded like God saying my name again.

But I could start this story with Cindy Maupin (now McCalmont).  She was the youth director at my church the summer between high school and college.  She had just graduated from the school I was about to attend.  After the summer she was headed off to serve as a US-2 missionary across the country and then on to seminary.  I don’t know if she specifically encouraged me to consider seminary but her example was enough to open that door in my imagination.   I had never had a female pastor but watching her I could envision what one might be like.  I could envision how I might be one.

When I got to college, campus ministers Brooke Willson and Barry Penn Hollar made it explicit:  “Why don’t you go to seminary?”  They asked me this more than once.  I wasn’t entirely sure what they saw in me that made them say this, but I was intrigued.  When I started testing out the idea with friends at the campus ministry, no one laughed.  Our United Methodist understanding of ordination is that both the individual and the faith community need to recognize a person’s call to ministry.  Sometimes, with us stubborn Jonah-like folks, the community hears God more clearly than the individual.

That’s how it was for me for a long, long time.  Even when I rashly answered “yes” to Alex on the phone and worked with him for an academic year, part of me held back, still questioning if this was it.  Then, at the end of that year during our baccalaureate worship, Jessie Smith, a graduating student, got up to speak.  Before her remarks she thanked Alex and me for our ministry and our roles in her journey.  When she mentioned me she called me her “spiritual guide.”  Simultaneously, I had two reactions:  1) I am not her spiritual guide! and 2) Oh crap, she’s right.  Jessie was the straw that broke this strong Jonah-camel’s back.  She was the last in a long line of people who could hear God calling my name long before I was willing to hear it and respond in full.

Thank God for each of them.  The ones I’ve named here and the many others who encouraged or challenged me.  As surely as God has spoken directly to me, God has also given them words I needed to hear.  Maybe they were words I could only hear coming from those people at those times.  One by one, they chiseled away at my resistance and helped me to claim what I was reluctant to claim on my own.

God doesn’t just call once and then give up on us and move on.  Not every call sounds exactly the same.   But I can tell you this for sure:  God’s call is more persistent than we are stubborn.

____

Today’s post is part of a group blogging day for ordained clergy, devoted to answering the question “Who called you on your journey of ministry?”

The United Methodist Church is hosting an event designed especially for those considering or wondering about a call to ordained ministry:   Exploration 2013, being held November 15-17 in Denver, Colorado.  It’s a great opportunity to meet other young adults (ages 18-26) pondering similar questions and to explore what God is saying to you and how you might respond.   You can also check it out on Facebook.

Easter Morning: Time to Look Among the Living

Luke 24: 1-12

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they came to the tomb, taking the spices that they had prepared. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in, they did not find the body.  While they were perplexed about this, suddenly two men in dazzling clothes stood beside them.  The women were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen.  Remember how he told you, while he was still in Galilee,  that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinners, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again.”  Then they remembered his words, and returning from the tomb, they told all this to the eleven and to all the rest.  Now it was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the other women with them who told this to the apostles.  But these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them.  But Peter got up and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen cloths by themselves; then he went home, amazed at what had happened.

Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden_Japanese Garden

The women come to the tomb ready to carry out their burial responsibilities.  They know what happens when people die.  They know what women do when people die.  They have no idea what to do with an empty tomb.  What are they supposed to do now?  What’s the next step?  If the object of their sorrow isn’t still closed up in the tomb, does it make sense for the focus of their attention to stay there – for their lives to stay closed up, tomblike?

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?”  That’s the whole story, isn’t it?  Don’t you trust yet that God’s enduring mercy and steadfast love will live through anything?  Don’t you know that love is stronger than death?

Easter morning is the ultimate grounds of our hope.  There is nothing bigger or stronger than God.  There is nothing that can separate us from God.  There is nothing that will stop God’s self-sacrificial love for us.  The only thing to do now is turn our backs on the tomb and go in the direction of Life.

God of life, bring me out of the tombs I haunt.  Show me where life pushes up through the dead places, like new shoots of grass growing up through broken concrete.  Surprise me with life!  Surprise me with hope!  Praise be to you for this and every astonishing day – for bringing us back to life again and again.  Amen.

Holy Saturday

chopped wood in sunlight

Lamentations 3: 1-9, 19-24

I am one who has seen affliction under the rod of God’s wrath; he has driven and brought me into darkness without any light; against me alone he turns his hand, again and again, all day long.  He has made my flesh and my skin waste away, and broken my bones; he has besieged and enveloped me with bitterness and tribulation; he has made me sit in darkness like the dead of long ago.  He has walled me about so that I cannot escape; he has put heavy chains on me;  though I call and cry for help, he shuts out my prayer;  he has blocked my ways with hewn stones, he has made my paths crooked…The thought of my affliction and my homelessness is wormwood and gall!  My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me.  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

 

I once visited friends in Sweden over Easter weekend.  As we walked through Stockholm on Good Friday, the church bells rang and I asked what name they have for Good Friday.  My friend’s boyfriend, not quite as good at English as she was, insisted on being the one to tell me.  He said, proudly, “We call it ‘Tall Friday.’”  As we continued walking and I mused about why the Swedish would call it that, my friends conferred in Swedish and then he said, sheepishly, “Long.  We call it ‘Long Friday.’”  Apparently the word for “tall” and “long” is the same in Swedish and he picked the wrong English word on his first try.

“Long” makes sense.  Particularly from the perspective of Friday or Saturday, very long days when Easter has not yet revealed its life-giving, life-changing surprise.  “Long” makes sense and it’s easy to feel the pain and confusion of Lamentations in this long, slow, sad time of Holy Week.  It’s easy to think that God “has made me sit in darkness like the dead of long ago…walled me about so that I cannot escape…put heavy chains on me…[and] though I call and cry for help, [God] shuts out my prayer…”

What I love about this passage is that it is full out lamenting.  This is a wail of a prayer and you can feel how deserted the writer feels.  It gives us permission to feel this way, too.  It shows us that for many, many generations there have been times when God’s people have felt completely forsaken.  By its existence in the canon of scripture and by its own words, it gives us permission to feel and express the real, gritty, needy aspects of our humanity.  It’s OK, in the depths of Good Friday and Holy Saturday or in the midst of the low and grief-stricken periods of our own lives, to say it.  It’s OK to cry out and ask where God is and why it hurts so much.

I also love that, right alongside this wail of a prayer, is the firm conviction that no matter how it looks or feels right now, God is here, watching out for us.  “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, [God’s] mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “  We don’t have to feel that or fully believe it just yet.  It’s enough to know that for many, many generations God’s people have affirmed that God’s love is indeed steadfast, that God is full of mercy, and that this is the basis of our hope.  It’s enough to rest in the collective hope of our faithful ancestors, especially when the day is long and we are besieged.

God in the silence, I call to you.  God in the darkness, I look for your light.  Waiting is not easy but I know you wait with me.  Give me perseverance when I feel like quitting and hope when I feel defeated.  It’s a long time from Friday to Sunday but I have hope you will meet me in the morning.  Amen.

Praise, Palms, Silence, Stones

stone cairn and stone path richmond hill va

Sermon on Luke 19: 28-40  | Palm Sunday

Here’s the thing about English majors:  we believe in metaphors.  I don’t just mean we like them or appreciate them.  I mean we believe in them.  In Franz Kafka’s story, The Metamorphosis, when we read about Gregor Samsa waking up one morning to find that he has transformed into a giant cockroach, we are physically unable to sit back from the story and analyze it “as if” he’s a cockroach.  We don’t want to talk about the person who “thinks” he’s a cockroach.  We want to go deeper:  what does it feel like and how did he know and will his family accept him if he opens his bedroom door?  We accept the premise – the metaphor – and everything else follows from there.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

When Jesus gets to Jerusalem, the place he’s been headed since the beginning, he sends disciples to procure a colt.  He rides the colt into town, amidst a throng of cheering, palm branch-waving people.  The crowd is throwing down cloaks on the road for his colt to walk on.  The excitement builds and the crowd starts shouting out about the miracles and wonders they have seen.  They reach back to the Psalms to praise him, saying, “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” (Luke 19: 38; Psalm 118: 26).

I imagine this scene as just shy of chaos.  The full press of crowds, the inner circle of disciples thrilled with the reception, thinking they are finally all getting the recognition they deserve, people shouting over top of one another, palm branches swaying and sometimes smacking people in the face.  I hear individual shouts that finally come together into this recognizable praise:  “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!  Peace in heaven, and glory in the highest heaven!” (Luke 19: 38).  Everyone chanting this familiar poetry together in one booming voice.

It’s making the Pharisees nervous and a few of them get close enough to speak to Jesus over the roar.  They say, with concerned looks on their faces, Rabbi, you’d better tell them to stop.  This is getting out of hand here.  Please have them quiet down (v. 39).

And Jesus responds, “I tell you, if these [people] were silent, the stones would shout out” (Luke 19: 40).  In other words, Even if I shushed them and they all fell silent, these stones here on the path would shout out in their place.  Those stone arches into the city would shout praises.  The stones would take their place and continue the chorus.

He doesn’t say The crowd’s too big and I’ll never quiet them down.  He doesn’t say Who them?  But they are praising me and it sounds so gooood.  He doesn’t say anything about whether he could or would quiet them; he simply says that someone else would speak up.  The stones would cry out.

Ah, metaphor!  What is Jesus trying to say by invoking the stones here?

What would that sound like?  Do they all know Psalm 118?  Would we recognize the words?  Would it sound beautiful and scary to us, the way the crowds sounded to those Pharisees?

 

Since our earliest days as Christians, Lent has been a time of preparation, of being intentionally formed into more faithful disciples.  Easter was originally when we baptized new members into the body of Christ and in the very beginning that was after 3 years of preparation.  One of our United Methodist liturgical scholars called Lent of year 3 “the home stretch” – after “three years of learning how to pray, how to listen to and learn from scripture, how to care for the poor, the sick, and the orphans, how to care for and advocate for the needs of older persons, and how to overcome addictive patterns in their lives…” (Taylor Burton-Edwards, 3/20/13).  Maybe some of you working on 4-year degrees can relate a bit to that kind of a home stretch.  It’s a long time to be focused on one life-changing goal.  It’s a long time to submit yourself to transformation and refining.

Some things take a long time and it’s hard to see what has happened until later.  Like becoming less human one moment at a time until you wake up and find you are a cockroach.  Or becoming more Christ-like one prayer at a time, one verse at a time, one relationship at a time, one visited prisoner at a time…  Some things take a long time.  Like water dripping onto stone, wearing it away drop by drop over hundreds and thousands of years.

Or like stones being formed in the first place.

One of my favorite songs is by Beth Nielsen Chapman and it’s called “Sand and Water.”  It’s from her album of the same name, written in her grief after her husband died way too young.  Her voice is a little shaky and vulnerable as she describes the shifting sands of life after his death, the crashing waves of grief, the difficulty in finding a solid place to land or stand.  But the chorus goes like this:  “Solid stone is just sand and water…and a million years gone by.”  Some things take a long time, maybe even a million years.

Maybe the stones know something we don’t.

It’s interesting to me that the stones are quiet in this story.  Jesus warns that if the people are hushed the stones will speak up.  That would imply that they are fully able to speak up and ready to praise.  Are they waiting for that moment, then?  Do they hear that the people have it covered so they’re just lying low for now?  I find myself thinking Hey, stones, Jesus is only coming by this way once, so if you’re going to join in the praises, you’d better pipe up.  But when it takes “a million years gone by” to exist, perhaps your perspective isn’t human.  Perhaps you have patience and vision that we humans don’t have access to yet.

One of my favorite writers is Annie Dillard and one of my favorite essays of hers is called “Teaching a Stone to Talk,” in a book by the same name (pp.67-76).  Annie Dillard is a novelist, essayist, professor, nature-lover, and friend of God.  In “Teaching a Stone to Talk” she tells the story of a man she once knew named Larry who was, truly, attempting to teach a stone to talk.  Dillard commends Larry in this, his life’s work recognizing his sacrifice and devotion, recognizing how much we long to hear from the rest of creation and how much we doubt that anything is being said.

She writes:

It is difficult to undo our own damage, and to recall to our presence that which we have asked to leave.  It is hard to desecrate a grove and change your mind.  The very holy mountains are keeping mum.  We doused the burning bush and cannot rekindle it; we are lighting matches in vain under every green tree.  Did the wind used to cry, and the hills shout forth praise?  Now speech has perished from among the lifeless things of earth, and living things say very little to very few.  Birds may crank out sweet gibberish and monkeys howl; horses neigh and pigs say, as you recall, oink, oink.  But so do cobbles rumble when a wave recedes, and thunders break the air in lightning storms.  I call these noises silence.  It could be that wherever there is motion there is noise, as when a whale breaches and smacks the water – and wherever there is stillness there is the still small voice, God’s speaking from the whirlwind, nature’s old song and dance, the show we drove from town.  …At a certain point you say to the woods, to the sea, to the mountains, the world, Now I am ready.  Now I will stop and be wholly attentive.  You empty yourself and wait, listening…We are here to witness…

I don’t know if Jesus meant that the stones would literally shout out praises or not.  But I believe he meant what he said.  I believe he meant that we aren’t the only ones who recognize the presence of God.  Surely these stones would cry out.  All of creation is part of this story and – silent or not – all of creation witnesses and praises along with us.  If need be, instead of us.

The arc of God’s story arc is long and we are somewhere in the middle of it all, thinking that 3 years is a long time to wait to be baptized.  We aren’t the first, we won’t be the last, and we aren’t the only ones right now.  The stones may be silent but they are biding their time.  Jesus is passing by today, on his way to scarier territory this week.  It’ll be tempting to stand here full of praise and then to stay here empty-handed, remembering the parade.  Don’t.

Follow where he goes, praising, silent, faithful.  Trust that the journey is longer than you know or think you can stand.  Keep following.  Trust that out of simple things like sand and water, God can make stone.  Out of a simple thing like dust, God makes you.  Submit yourself to transformation and refining, to the stony path of discipleship.  Know that whatever you did or didn’t do for Lent is one drop on the hard surface of your heart.  There will be others.  And know that you have all the time in the world to cry out in praise.

Thanks be to God!

In Which Jesus Gives a Flying Fig

fig tree bearing fruit
Sermon on Luke 13: 1-9   |  3 March 2013 – Lent 3

Apparently fig trees are like the scrappy underdogs of the tree world.  They have “aggressive root systems” that do whatever they have to do in order to find water and nutrients in the rocky, arid Middle Eastern soil where they grow wild.  These aggressive roots have a strong need for groundwater and will find it deep down, if it isn’t readily available from rainfall or surface water.   Fig trees can tolerate drought and make do in nutritionally poor soil, though they have been cultivated since ancient times and thrive with just a little tending (Wikipedia, “Common Fig” entry as of 3/1/13).

If fig trees wrote psalms, you could imagine one of them writing Psalm 63:  O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63: 1).  I can make do with this rocky, dry, marrowless soil, but, God, I could really use you right about now.  I am holding on for dear life.  Can you come by here?

Don’t you think the fig tree wanted to bear fruit?

The one that Jesus tells about in the parable.  It had been fruitless for 3 years and though the tree’s owner wanted to get rid of it, the gardener intervened.  The gardener said, Give me a year with it.  See what happens when I dig up this hard, dry, compacted soil and add some fertilizer.  Wait another year and see what happens (Luke 13:6-8).

This is what happens.  Figs!  I’m going to pass them around so you can taste and see what we are talking about, so you can literally take it in.  This delicious, chewy, nutritious, surprising fruit is what comes from a place that just last year seemed lifeless and beyond hope.  Please keep passing them around – don’t be shy.

A fig tree is made to bear fruit.  That’s its purpose.  That’s the goal of its existence.  It’s important to remember that:  the parable is not about getting an apple tree or a pine tree to bear figs.  It is not about expecting something impossible.  It is not about expecting the tree to be anything more or less than what it is.

Again, I ask:  Don’t you think the fig tree wanted to bear fruit?  Its whole purpose is to make figs.  It’s not confused about its purpose.  It is not trying to write a novel instead.  It is probably trying to work itself up to a fig.  But for whatever reasons – drought, poor soil, neglect – it hasn’t been able to muster a single fig.  For 3 years.

It can be a little trickier for us to figure out our “fruit.”  What am I meant to bear or produce, that will show that I am fulfilling my purpose?  What is the goal of my existence?  How many years have I been fruitless and when is the nice gardener going to show up and help me out a little?  How much time do I have – gulp – before it’s Zero Fruit Thirty?

Even when you know your major or you are a fabulous fourth year “coasting” towards May with a job offer clinched, the fruit question can linger.  Is this what I am supposed to be doing?  How does this degree or job allow me to live out my calling as a disciple?  Is my whole purpose –  my whole fruitfulness in life –  measured by my work?  If not, how else do I engage in fruitful living?

Asking questions like these is your first step to bearing fruit, to living out of your purpose.  Remember that the fig tree had been fruitless for 3 years already?  And fig trees know what their purpose is!  For 3 years, this fig tree sat withering and suffering and not fulfilling its purpose, probably writing something like Psalm 63 while it waited for that gardener to finally show up and give it some help and encouragement.

Who knows what went on in the mind of the fig tree during that long wait, but you can imagine it, can’t you?  You can imagine working and striving and feeling a little lost and feeling pretty parched and wondering if God is paying attention.  Can’t you?

During times like that it can be tempting to look for signs.  That’s what the first part of tonight’s reading from Luke is about.  Were those Galileans who Pilate killed worse sinners than the other Galileans?  Is that why God allowed that to happen? (vv. 1-2).  It’s tempting but Jesus rejects this line of thinking.  He brings up another tragic event, when people were  crushed under a falling tower and he also rejects that as evidence of God’s wrath.   To questions about events like these, he says, No, that’s not how God behaves.  The lesson from those events is that life is fragile and unpredictable and the best path to fruitfulness is to repent – turn around – and go in the direction of God  (Luke vv. 1-5 and People’s New Testament Commentary p.231).

You might say that Jesus does give a flying fig.  Because after he’s gotten all that straightened out, he tells the parable about the fig tree.  Fig trees don’t wait for signs.  They use all of their energy to make figs.  And when they don’t have enough energy left for that, they wait – sometimes for a long, long time – for a gardener who knows his way around fig trees.

We don’t like that part, either, do we?  The waiting for a long, long time part.  The waiting while we are thirsty beyond our own abilities to quench our thirst.  The waiting when we are not sure what we are waiting for….Am I waiting to become an engineer?  A parent?  A volunteer at the homeless shelter?  The fig tree got at least 4 years to come up with some figs – 3 years plus the year ahead with the gardener’s help.  Hmmmm….What else takes 4 years?  College, anyone?

How much pressure do you put on yourself to have it all figured out by the time you get your degree?  Don’t you think we get at least as long as a fig tree?

And when the wait is over and the gardener finally shows up, it is still “up to the tree itself to feast on this extended care [it receives]”  It’s not like the fig tree can just put its feet up and wait for figs to be brought to it and placed on its branches.  The God-given work of a fig tree is to work with the God-given gardener to make figs out of itself, to bear fruit.  I don’t know how long you get to become fruitful but “[t]he parable is just as clear about the gracious intervention of the gardener as it is about the possible one-year deadline if no improvement is found” (General Board of Discipleship “Lectionary Planning” pages as of 3/1/13).  In other words, God is on our side.  God made us for fruitful living and God does not leave us to our own devices  either to figure out what fruit we are called to produce or to come up with it entirely on our own.

Neither is God inclined to thwart our fruit-producing abilities.  God wants our lives to bear fruit.  God sends the Gardener Jesus to give us some extra help.  You are not meant to do this alone, with no resources, endlessly relying on poor conditions and your own reserves.  You are scrappier than you think you are and God, with a trowel and some gardening clogs, is  just waiting to dig in and help you grow, thrive, bear fruit.  But you have to be part of it.  You have to do something, too.  You have to reach your aggressive roots as far as you can and take the life-giving assistance you find.

I don’t know that our deadline is a year from now but I do know that we all have deadlines.  Towers fall, cancer grows, floods rise.  Life is shorter than we think and a lot of things are out of our control.  But at each and every moment of life we are moving closer to God or further away.  Closer bears fruit.  Every time.  And you can repent/turn around/move closer even when you are still asking questions about what kind of fruit tree you are, and even when you are dying of thirst and writing psalms to God in the desert.

I know you want to produce fruit.  Like the fig tree, you are aching for it.  If that is all the path you have right now, then go with the ache.  It will take you where you need to go.  It will take you through and beyond the places that seem lifeless and purposeless.  It will take you closer and closer to God.  Go with that ache to be fruitful.  Who knows what delicious morsel your life will yield by this time next year?

Thanks be to God!

*

photo credit: ©  2005 Anthony Majanlahti, CC BY 2.0

Mama Jesus or Jesus Is My Chicken

baby chicks_michigan farm

Sermon on Luke 13: 31-35   |  24 February 2013 – Lent

I am completely fine with it if all you walk away with tonight is the thought that Jesus is your chicken.

It’s a gift from Jesus himself, this image of him as a mother hen and us as his baby chicks in need of protection.  It’s an exclamation of longing, Jesus’ longing for us to come to him, to nestle into the warm safe place under his wing.  Why don’t we use this divine chicken language more often?

He’s talking with his disciples and a few Pharisees approach to warn him that Herod wants to kill him.  Jesus says, Go tell that fox Herod that I am busy casting out demons today and tomorrow and on the third day, too.  But then I’m on my way from here (Luke 13: 31-33).  Does that sound familiar to you – “third day”?  It’s supposed to.  It’s for us, the readers, and it’s supposed to remind us that Jesus was crucified and then, on the third day, resurrected.  It’s a way of saying that Herod’s plan will eventually work – but so will God’s.  The third day is when the story makes sense and God has the final word.

Anyway, Jesus tells the Pharisees that that old fox Herod will just have to wait for that day and while he’s in the middle of going over all the days and his plans for prophecy and healing, he mentions that he’ll be killed in Jerusalem eventually.  And then, at the mere mention of the name Jerusalem, he completely sidetracks himself, like a lover who hears the name of his long-gone beloved, like a mother yearning for her children.  He stops addressing the Pharisees, and talks to Jerusalem instead.  He blurts out, with pain and longing, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it!  How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!” (Luke 13: 34).

I mentioned to y’all last week that my dad grew up on a farm.  I called him this week as I was working with this passage.  For those of us who haven’t been around chickens that much, there isn’t much to go on here.  Jesus wants to gather us up under his wing.  I wondered how often chickens do this and in what circumstances so I called to see what my dad could tell me about chickens.  He said, “They’re dirty and they poop a lot.”  When I explained why I was asking and reminded him of the story he said, “Any time it’s raining or overcast or the weather seems bad in any way, that’s what the hen does.  She opens up her wings wide and shelters her chicks.  She does it when she’s trying to hatch eggs, too.  Just completely covers them up in her feathers.”

Since before the eggs are hatched, the hen is mothering them, sheltering them, protecting them.  When the fuzzy little chicks are running around the barnyard in inclement weather she flaps open her broad mama wings and calls them back home again.  This is the image Jesus applies to himself.  It’s not like he was in a debate and got called a chicken and then made the best of it, bending the image to suit his own purposes.  He starts the whole thing.  He refers to Herod as a fox – sly, cunning, clever, a thief, chicken-hungry – and then continues the metaphor by calling himself the mother hen.

I am pretty sure that if any one of us in this room were writing the lines for Jesus, we would have chosen something fierce and fox-eating.  Herod’s a fox, but I have a taste for fox meat, Jesus retorted.  I’m an eagle/wolf/panther!  Not a vulnerable mother animal with babies to protect.  And if it had to be a mother with babies don’t you think we would have gone all mama bear on him?  But Jesus gives us a chicken.  Unglamorous, somewhat comical, not strong or fast.  An ordinary squawking barnyard mama chicken.

Jesus is our chicken.

Barbara Brown Taylor, the Episcopal priest and writer who lives on a farm in north Georgia and, I believe, has chickens there, has some insight on this image Jesus gives us.  She says (originally “As a Hen Gathers Her Brood” in The Christian Century, 1995, referenced online, 2/19/13),

If the city were filled with hardy souls, this would not be a dangerous situation. Unfortunately, it is filled with pale yellow chicks and at least one fox. In the absence of a mother hen, some of the chicks have taken to following the fox around. Others are huddled out in the open where anything with claws can get to them. Across the valley, a white hen with a gold halo around her head is clucking for all she is worth. Most of the chicks cannot hear her, and the ones that do make no response. They no longer recognize her voice. They have forgotten who they are.

If you have ever loved someone you could not protect, then you understand the depth of Jesus’ lament. All you can do is open your arms. You cannot make anyone walk into them. Meanwhile, this is the most vulnerable posture in the world –wings spread, breast exposed — but if you mean what you say, then this is how you stand.

They no longer recognize her voice.  They have forgotten who they are – who their mother is.  Jerusalem, Jerusalem!  How often I have yearned to gather you up underneath my wings…but you were not willing.

Remember what I said last week about trying to do everything ourselves?  It would be tempting to rewrite this image and claim Jesus the panther as the one who protects us.  It would be tempting to try to protect the chicken herself, since she is so flappy and foolish-seeming.  It would be tempting to follow someone else or to fashion some other sort of god who better suits our needs, rather than accepting this Savior who turns the other cheek and embraces sinners and tax collectors and prostitutes, and who leads the way through death.  It is tempting to long for God to be more like we think God should be.

Remember Jesus, poised on the hill above Jerusalem?  Remember the moment when he interrupts his own train of thought to blurt out with messy love and longing Jerusalem, Jerusalem?  That’s the God we get – one who is thoroughly familiar with longing and who, despite all of the ways we little chicks go off running in the wrong direction, continues to emphatically yearn for us to come back and snuggle under his wing.  You want a different image, a different kind of god?  God gets that – God had something different in mind for us, too.

And you were not willing….we were not willing.  We go off half-cocked, like chickens with their heads…well, you get the point.  We like the stealth and sleek fox.  We admire his clever cunning.  We are easily lured into thinking he won’t hurt us, that we are exempt from his voracious appetite for chicken meat.  That’s how we start to think when Mama Jesus seems too exposed and vulnerable, too chickeny.  How can we give our lives to someone like that?  If not a panther, what about the fox then?  How are we supposed to build our lives around the one who just stands there, open, jugular exposed, loving us like that?

How can we not?

We know that love is stronger than death.  We know what happens on the third day.  It ought to be easier for us to build a life around this than it was for Jerusalem, living before the tale was told.  But it’s not, is it?

It makes no difference.  It has always been and is still very hard to live this way.  It’s why God keeps calling us, longing for us to come back to that embrace, where we can remember who we are again.  Living after this tale has been told makes no difference in how hard this is for us.  But it also makes no difference to God; it makes no difference in how God loves us.  The same God who stood with tears and longing on the hill opposite Jerusalem, calling our names with arms open wide, is the one who is doing that right now.  For you.

This is the God we follow.  This is the God who is our home.  This is the God who persists and perseveres in loving us, no matter how unlovable we sometimes are, no matter how stubborn, no matter how much we would rather be loved by a panther.

Jesus is your chicken but you can turn your back on Mama Jesus’ longing and try to follow or fend off the fox and the rain solo.  Or you can run as fast as your teeny chick legs will go into that embrace.  It’s raining but under those feathers it’s warm and dry and feels like home.  Like Mom.

Thanks be to God!

On Letting Go This Lent

Sometimes the whole notion of giving up or taking on something for Lent seems to fall short.  Instead of being a path to go deeper, it becomes one more way to measure success or improvement.  Insteclouds airborne_clearing space, breathing, perspectivead of offering a way to focus our habits and appetites on God, it feels like another thing added to the dreaded to do (or to not do) list.  It can feel distinctly un-faithful.

If you are already planning your Lenten discipline, I wish you well and I don’t mean to discourage you.  But if, like me, you are thinking you “should” figure out what you’re doing for Lent, might I suggest you don’t?

I started thinking about Lent last fall.  It’s a pastor’s liability, always planning ahead of the season we are actually in.  I was listening to a colleague preach about how hard Martin Luther worked at salvation for so long, thinking he needed to do something more to bring it about.  Until one day when, as my colleague said, he finally “let go.”  He realized that we are “saved by grace through faith” (Ephesians 2:8) and that his own efforts were never going to get him there.  God was.  I’d been following along with the sermon, feeling tight-chested as I listened to Luther’s frantic attempts at self-salvation.  So “let go” felt like a breath of fresh air.

What if we did that, too?  What if, as a faithful way of engaging God during the season of Lent, we decide to let go of our plans and projects, no matter how inspired?  Let go of plans to “make it” without chocolate.  Let go of the temptation to cram more into our schedules in the name of the Spirit.  For now, let go of spiritual striving and trust that God can pick up the slack.  Trust that maybe God doesn’t care as much about your spiritual sweat equity as you do and would rather take you by the hand and lead you gently to a new place.

What if we refused to fill up the space and the time that letting go would free up?  How would God show up in all that room?  What would we notice that so easily escapes our attention with all of that other stuff in the way?

Lent is a season for self-reflection, for confession and clearing away that which keeps us from God.  Sometimes it’s our own notions of self-improvement and spiritual discipline that get in the way, especially when we make completion or perfection the goal, rather than deeper knowledge and love of God.

But it’s hard to slog through 40 days without a focal point, and for the less Zen-minded of us, emptiness and cleared space might not be enough to claim our focus.  With less in the way, perhaps we can maintain focus by paying more attention to everyday moments, allowing them to breathe and resonate in ways we don’t recognize when we are rushed and striving.

Here are a few untested ways you might let God take you by the hand and show you something new this Lent.  If they feel like accumulating or clenching or list-making, let go again.  Leave them here and find your own focus.  Either way, I hope you’ll let me know how it goes.

  • Make 1 meal from scratch each day or each week and eat it sitting down at the table without any media.  It doesn’t have to be fancy and you have to eat anyway.  This puts the focus on the bounty God provides and the people with whom we share it.  If you live alone, savor the flavors and textures and consider where the ingredients traveled from and who helped get them to your table.  If you don’t cook, you don’t have to start with Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  Make eggs and toast or grilled cheese.  The point is to prepare it yourself and savor it with intention and gratitude.
  • Spend 10 minutes per day with God.  Prayer, meditation, a walk at dawn, giving thanks, listening, yoga…The amount of time is arbitrary (and you’ll have plenty after all that letting go).  The important part is being intentional about it and noticing how God shows up – and how you do.
  • Once a week, call or write to one person you love and don’t see often.  Give yourself the time to re-connect and really listen when you ask how they are.  You aren’t trying to plan or accomplish anything, but simply to enjoy someone wonderful.  Tell them how you are.  Tell them what you are (not) doing for Lent.  During the week, think about and pray for who you just talked with and who you will reach out to next.
  • Make a point of talking to someone new and learning his/her name.  At church, at work, in the coffee shop.  You have time now so let yourself connect with someone in your orbit who usually goes unnoticed.
  • Before you check email or Facebook, pause and ask God to bless your time online.  At work or at home or on your phone, simply pause and recognize that God can be present in these activities, too.
  • Ask God a question each day/each week.  This one depends on how many questions you have. Ask with the full faith that God hears you and wants you to learn the answer…eventually.  See what happens that day or week as you live with the question.

 

Margins

screenshot asking to print outside the established margin

Sometimes when I’m trying to print a form or a document with special lay-out features, the computer will ask me if I’m sure about that, since it will mean printing into the established margins.  I always say “yes” to this question:  I want to fit it onto one page or I like the way it looks with less white space at the edges.  The problem is, I do this in the rest of my life, too.

I recently read MaryAnn McKibben Dana’s excellent book Sabbath in the Suburbs, a reflection on her family’s year of observing a weekly Sabbath.  One of the things she learned to do during that year is to take something off the list.  When she embarks on the new day with the to-do list loaded and ready to go, she looks it over and purposely, in advance, without regret or bargaining, takes one thing off.  She intentionally chooses to leave something undone – before she’s even gotten into the day.

At a clergy gathering last year we listened to a speaker who was there to help us “manage time” and organize ourselves better.  The most helpful thing he did was urge us not to schedule every moment of the day.  I struggle with this.

And yet, when I look at the calendar and lists for the day ahead and I see more than I can do and appointments on the hour all day long, I feel discouraged before I start.  I feel like I am taking as big a breath as my lungs can handle and then trying to swim laps without taking another breath.  Until I can’t anymore.  The problem with this (in addition to the running out of air and gasping and dying part of that image) is that this type of scheduling leaves no room.  There is no room for mistakes or changing my mind or something unexpected.  There is no room to reflect on that amazing conversation I was privileged to have with a student, no room to absorb all that is keeping me so busy.

There is a strange loneliness in rushing.  It’s easy to slip across the surface of a frantically-scheduled day and come to the end of it with only a checked-off checklist.  In the margins, there is room to connect – to myself, others, and God – without goals and agendas intruding.  A quiet morning moment on the porch, sipping an evening glass of wine, time to walk around the block between meetings, an hour with nothing “to do,” a Saturday without a schedule – margins.  Space for the unknown, for inspiration.   A margin makes room for the fullness of resonance.

The best days are the ones that feel full enough.  Not harried and overflowing and breathless, just full.  With plenty going on but also a little room to breathe.  Space between this moment and the next.  Space intentionally not filled up, like the white space around the print on a page.  The margin you leave for error – or wonder.

On this snowy morning I am starting the day with a long list.  I don’t know what I will intentionally take off the list but I’m going to try to find one thing.  I’m going to tell that crazy computer mind of mine “no” this time.  No, don’t print there.  Maintain the margins.

Travelers

sign post along the path reads "difficult path - impassable after heavy rain"I traveled solo for a long time.   Single, with friends and family all over the globe and a love of the road, meant I developed habits to keep me safe, on schedule, traveling light, and unnoticed.

I am the kind of person who is ready to de-plane well before we pull up to the gate.  When we get there, I am standing in the aisle, meticulously organized and ready to walk, waiting behind the person who can’t remember where he put his scarf when he sat down.  I am the kind of person who checks her tickets and writes down emergency numbers.  I try hard to sleep on the transatlantic flights because when I get to London alone and still have a couple of hours to go until I arrive at my friends’ house, I need to be alert and quick and get on the right train without calling attention to myself, the solo American.

When I left to study abroad in France during college, the USA was in the midst of a spat with France over air rights and Libya.  France started requiring visas and word went out that Americans should keep a low profile.  Experienced fellow ex-pats assured me that passing for Canadian would be the way to go if the going got tough.  I took it to heart and tried to blend in.  Or at least not stand out as American right away.

I read Rick Steves and pared down what I considered necessary for a 2 week visit.  Traveling alone means that it all has to fit on my person or in my hands.  God forbid, I ever end up somewhere looking for a trolley that I still can’t push because of the mountain of suitcases I’ve brought.

Backpacking also contributed to my thoughtful, scant packing skills, honed further on my many treks into the Smokies.  If you’re headed out into the woods for a few days, everything you take has to be useful and absolutely necessary, and fit in your pack.

Later, when I started taking trips with friends who, according to me, packed too much, I felt superior.  Streamlined.  In the know.  I was the svelte and efficient traveler who didn’t need help to manage my bags and no one was waiting on me.

I have people waiting on me now – husband and son and a passel of students.  And I do a lot of waiting on them.   I’m working on the superiority thing.

No matter how many advance packing lists we devise or how little room our caravan of cars has, students always show up for mission trips with too much luggage and big, gangly, sloppy sleeping bags spilling out of their ties.  The guitar always ends up on top of everything else in the back of my car, leaving just a sliver of rear view left in my mirror.  We never move through an airport or a restaurant or a town square without being noticed, all 25 or more of us laughing and talking loudly over top of one another, clearly “not from around here.”

When I travel with my family people usually notice as soon as we get out of the car.  My stepson has autism and needs to jump up and down and make a lot of noise.  Absolutely not an incognito experience, making a pit stop or a visit to Starbucks.  Things take longer with him and he is not generally interested in whatever schedule we have in mind.  As my husband says, “He can wait you out.  He has all the time in the world.”

During seasons like Advent and Lent, I tend to lean on journey images…  Making the Advent pilgrimage to Christmas.  Clearing space in our lives and hearts for God to show up along the paths we travel.  Allowing ourselves to be surprised by the turns in the road…  And, though, I can’t claim this was part of my solo traveling ethos, it does seem that the less baggage we lug into the season the more open our hands and hearts are for what God wants to give.

The thing is, God gives us what we need, but rarely expect.  Apparently I needed a noisy, jubilant, jumping son and a crowd of witnesses who are still learning to pack lightly.  I know I needed my traveling partner husband (who’s not half bad at packing, by the way).  Perhaps my solo traveling habits weren’t formed for my own speed and convenience but so that my hands and my life would be open enough to lend a hand to my fellow travelers with the huge, toppling trolleys.

I love knowing I can get myself around the world solo.  I love remembering those times and adventures.  But the adventures I am having now are wearing away at my rough edges.  Almost none of my trips are solo any more but I love the company.