I am not into resolutions.  You can probably tell by the fact that I’m writing this in February. 

Increasingly New Year’s resolutions seem like one more thing.  Already, I don’t know a single person who does everything on the list:  checks her credit score every week, exercises precisely the number of times per week and minutes per session for optimal health, spends quality time with the children and spouse and herself, reads for fun, takes a class to push herself, optimizes job performance, relaxes fully, sleeps well, eats just enough, visits with neighbors, visits family on a regular basis, powerwashes the house before it starts to look green…Do I have to keep going here?

Instead of resolutions, some folks receive star words to live with for the year.  These are meant to help you set an intention that’s a little more wide open than a list of resolutions and they are meant to unfold and illustrate and absorb meaning over the course of your year.  I like this idea better than naming a list of resolutions, but I’m just not looking for more to attend to – even a word.

Stepping out of my usual routine into vacation time over the Christmas break helped remind me of a world where people have each other over for dinner or show up for a visit and some coffee mid-afternoon.  I miss that world.  Of course I know it can’t be like that all the time, but neither can it all be saved up for a once-a-year-family-and-friends-fest – and then back to a starvation diet the other eleven months.

So this is not a list.  It’s not complete or authoritative.  If you are doing fine with your resolutions or your word for the year and you don’t need this, fantastic.  Come back when you feel hurried, crammed, or lonesome.

For the rest of us, 5 ideas for changing your pace and connecting to people and life at a deeper level…

Learn to cook something (new).  You can go big with something like fondue or simply make a homemade soup.  This one’s about delight, nurture, sustenance, and feeding your creative spirit as well as your stomach.     

Take a walk without having to get anywhere and see where it takes you.  You can do this in a mall or a nature trail or a state park.  Don’t set a goal.  Don’t rush.  Saunter or, as the French say, be a flâneur.  This one’s about being present and open to adventure.   Experience unfurling.

Sit down and compose correspondence.  You can do it by email or letter, but it should include thought and time.  (If you are unable to stay with the one draft you’re working on, rather than checking and responding to other email messages in one big multi-tasking mess, then compose offline.)  Say what you’ve been meaning to say to the other person or simply catch him up on your life.  This is qualitatively different than posting a bunch of Instagram pictures for him to cull through.  This one’s about going slowly enough to consider, gather thoughts, revise.

Give yourself regular time (daily or even weekly) to be unplugged, unscheduled, and unproductive.  Start with 10 minutes.  Turn off ringers and other intrusive notifications and set a timer so you don’t have to monitor the time.  You can sit on the porch, watch the clouds and squirrels, and be still.  You can use the time for mindfulness practice or prayer – but if that feels “productive” (One of my New Year’s resolutions is to spend time in prayer each day) then don’t.  Be.  Rest.  Catch up your body and soul with one another.  See where this leads.

Ask someone to show you what they love.  Why does your daughter love that song?  What does your grandfather get out of whittling?  How is running integral to your friend’s life?  Listen and pay attention.  You don’t have to love it, too, but love them.  Make space in your day and your heart to listen and receive (a gift in itself).  Let the other person take you by the hand and let yourself follow.

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photo credit:  public domain image